The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said, “One of you teaching good manners to his child is better for him than giving half a sa’a in charity everyday to the poor”, and

“Whoever has a child, then let him give him a good name and teach him good manners,”

Good manners and good character go hand in hand, the role they play in someone’s success in life cannot be overemphasised.

The root of good manners is respect for another person; the root of respect is sensitivity. Sensitivity towards others is the most valuable quality you can instill in your child.

Here’s how to help your child master good manners.

Be Consistent

Encourage your child to be polite to everyone – say a ” thank you” to their aunt for a big expensive gift, and a “thank you” to the waitress who serves at your table in a restaurant. Good manners should not be limited to family members but towards everyone.

Practice What You Preach

Show them by example. What we say in private moments counts the most. Greeting someone you meet enthusiastically and saying unkind things about them once at home will not go unnoticed by the child. Children are always watching and listening, they will draw their own conclusions. Our behaviour is our children’s best teacher.

Show Respect

Your interactions with your child will shape how they relate to others in their world. Showing them respect will teach them how to respect others. Think about the things you say to them on a daily basis. Do you make too many demands on them, or order them about? Whenever you have to correct or prompt your child, do it in a gentle manner. You cannot force a child to have good manners, it is a skill that develops with time. Every child develops at their own pace.

Acknowledge Your Child

Include your child in family decisions and discussions, it is not a good idea to tune them out. A usually well-behaved child will make a nuisance of themselves in order to break through to you. Acknowledging their presence shows them they have value, and teach them social skills.

Being a Pushover Doesn’t Mean Polite

Healthy politeness is rooted in graciousness, it should feel good. Pleasing for the sake of it, on the other hand, comes from a place of fear and anxiety. If your child is playing with a toy that another child wants there and then, they can be taught to say ” I’m happy for you to have it when I am  finished playing” in a polite tone of voice.

What To Teach When

Teaching polite manners can start from an early age. When your little ones are 1 to 2 years old, you can use soft toys to play games and use words like “please”, “thank you”, “sorry”, and “welcome”. Give them child friendly dinnerware to take to and from table.

At 3 to 6 is a good time to make your child learn speaking on turn and listening. They should also be encouraged to introduce themselves to other children and adults with you by their side. Remember some children are shy and should not be made to feel uncomfortable.

When they are 7 to 10 help them write Thank You notes and cards for any gifts they receive. They can now be good sports by showing teamwork, continuing to help other children, be kind to younger children by  letting them have their turn and a chance to shine while playing. Go over the rules for personal space, ownership, privacy and boundaries.  Tell them they need to ask permission before touching or taking things from family members and friends. Ask them to knock before entering if door is shut.

By the time they are 11 to 13 they should be observant to their host’s house rules even if they are different from your own. They must use good table manners, clean up after themselves and thank the host family before leaving.

When they are teenagers, maintaining good manners will set them up for more success in adult life and relationships. Mutual respect is more important now than ever before. Listen to them and expect them to listen in return. Encourage them to volunteer, help older people, and interact graciously with different kinds of people in a polite manner.

Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges: The ruler of the people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the guardian of his family (household) and is responsible for his subjects; a woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and of his children and is responsible for them; and the slave of a man is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible for it. Surely, everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges” [Bukhari].

By Saima Ismail